LOCKED OUT: SCENES FROM THIS MORNING

[sarcasticsra]

Dramatis Personae
(In order of appearance.)

ME, the hapless hero of this story.
ZIVA, the curious dog.
DONNA, the mischevious cat.

ACT I

ME: Do you need to go out?
ZIVA: *wags tail*
ME: Okay, let's go out.

DOOR: *is locked*
ME: *unlocks door*
DOOR: *has a secret*
ME: Come on, Ziva.
ZIVA: *prances outside*
ME: *swings door shut, grabs Ziva, hooks her up to the leash*
ME: *heads back to door*
DOOR: *is locked*
ME: Are you fucking kidding me.

ME: *heads to front porch*
FIRST PORCH DOOR: *is unlocked, yay!*
SECOND PORCH DOOR: *lol nope, sorry*
ME: DAMMIT.

ME: *looks at porch windows*
WINDOWS: *have bars on them with maybe 8 inches of clearance*
ME: Maybe if I were Parker, I could fit through those...

ME: *doubles back around to yard*
ZIVA: *looks at me curiously*
ME: I blame you.
ZIVA: *looks at me skeptically*
ME: Shut up, this is totally your fault.

ME: *notices kitchen window*
KITCHEN WINDOW: *opens from outside, is the only window without bars*
ME: Halle-freakin-lujah.
KITCHEN WINDOW: *is just a little too high*
ME: Goddamn being short.
ME: *notices plastic tote, drags plastic tote over to the window*
ZIVA: *watches, amused*
ME: Still your fault.
DONNA: *appears!*
ME: Donna, no.
DONNA: *tries to escape*
ME: Donna!
DONNA: *tries again to escape*
ME: Donna!
DONNA: *jumps right out the damn window*
ME: DONNA! *catches her, shoves her back inside*
ME: For the love of god. *shimmys inside the window*
SHOES: *fall off*
ME: Finally.

ME: *unlocks door FOR SURE THIS TIME*
DOOR: *looks innocent*
ME: *retrieves shoes, unhooks Ziva* C'mon, Ziva, let's go inside.
ZIVA: *wags tail*
DOOR: *opens*
DONNA: *darts outside*
ME: DONNA!
DONNA: *heads for the backyard*
ZIVA: *runs after her*
ME: *facepalm*

ZIVA: *pounces playfully at Donna*
DONNA: *runs around backyard*
ZIVA: *plays!*
DONNA: *plays!*
ME: Donna! You are not a dog!
DONNA: *flops over, bats at Ziva*
ME: *grabs Donna* Seriously, cat? Are you kidding me with this?
ZIVA: *looks confused*
ME: Come on, Ziva.
ALL THREE: *go inside*

FIN

And that was my morning.

Comments

[subluxate]

Your morning is still ridic. Totally ridic.

[sarcasticsra]

Completely ridic.

[bookblather]

omg DONNA. Such a little putz.

[sarcasticsra]

She is the biggest shit in all the land.

[geena]

This is so hilarious and amazing, omg. I heart Donna.

[sarcasticsra]

SHE IS THE BIGGEST SHIT.

[geena]

Every time I hear stories about her I imagine her as some sort of your version of Ava. Only Ava would never go outside, so Donna's actually even more awesome.

Don't tell Ava I said that, shhhh.

[iulia_linnea]

Hee!

[sarcasticsra]

Such ridiculousness. XD